Narcissist

2023 - 1 - 17

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Image courtesy of "Psychology Today"

Playing Favorites Gives a Narcissistic Co-Parent Control (Psychology Today)

Using triangulation, a form of favoritism, the narcissistic co-parent manipulates the children and obtains emotional control of them. The narcissist idealizes ...

He or she encourages the children to love the opposite parent and supports this parent. Completely opposite of the narcissistic co-parent, the healthy parent rarely places the children in the middle; nor does he or she play favorites or withdraw love when the child voices an opposite opinion. Moreover, the favorite child may also “tattletale” on the other children if they show affection, love, and loyalty to the healthy parent during their time with this parent. The narcissist then uses this “reconnaissance” to distort and sabotage the innocent parent’s plans and activities. The child who dares to disagree with the narcissist is subtly devalued and emotionally abandoned by the narcissist. Both children clamor to please the narcissist in order to secure their relationship and avoid emotional abandonment. Although this intentional and purposeful attempt to put the kids in the middle is harmful to the children, the narcissistic parent may not care. In addition, seeking to hurt the person who dared to leave him or her is appealing to a narcissist. Typically, they [play the victim](https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0146167203029007007) and [triangulate](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/social-instincts/202211/how-narcissistic-triangulation-gets-people-trapped), aligning the kids with them and against the emotionally healthy parent. Yet, a child who feels as if a parent’s emotional well-being falls on his or her shoulders often experiences tremendous [anxiety](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/anxiety). In front of the kids, a narcissistic parent often acts like he or she has been victimized by the other parent. Playing favorites is an additional way the [narcissistic parent ](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7432641/)triangulates and unscrupulously gains [emotional control](https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/basics/emotion-regulation) of the kids.

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Image courtesy of "USA TODAY"

'Pseudomutuality': Why it takes so long to spot narcissistic abuse (USA TODAY)

Why is narcissistic abuse difficult to recognize? Often times, it's hard for people on the outside to spot the toxic behaviors of a narcissist because of ...

Those who are co-parenting after separation may want to opt for a slight variation called yellow rocking, which involves "the infusion of a little more emotion in communication." - Prepare for negative responses: If you attempt to leave the narcissist, conflict and and scapegoating are common responses, Walsh warns. But experts say with more awareness, there are ways to break out of the cycle. [Shannon Thomas](https://shannonthomas.com/), trauma therapist and author of ["Healing from Hidden Abuse." - Education on what a healthy vs. Often times, pseudomutuality is so effective that it takes years, sometimes decades, for victims to realize they were living under the control of a narcissist. It can also impact future romantic relationships by struggling to find authentic connections. Therapy ](https://www.themadtherapy.com/meet-the-therapist)who helps survivors of abuse. The term can also be applied to romantic partners. [Alexandra Skinner Walsh](https://www.themadbeyond.com/), licensed mental health counselor and founder of [The M.A.D. In a healthy relationship, boundaries and clear communication are crucial. What seems like a unified front can be riddled with chaos and dysfunction.

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Image courtesy of "Vogue India"

Narcissistic abuse: 12 signs you might be dating a narcissist (Vogue India)

Narcissistic abuse often happens if your friend or partner suffers with narcissistic personality disorder. Here we explain what a narcissist is and how to ...

If they want you to do things their way, you must. They will deflect responsibility and invalidate your feelings on a subject by making you doubt your own memories and thoughts by denying that they have value or ever occurred. These are the tactics they use to make you do whatever they want. They seldom care about what the regulations and boundaries are around them, and believe everyone should follow their rules instead. You will find them self-absorbed and self-centred all the time and they expect you to fulfil their needs instantly. Another way to spot a narcissist is to see how much they act according to their words. And, above all, they will feel pride in it, and don’t care if their behaviour is affecting society or others in any way. They don’t see anything wrong with this, since they lack empathy, and some narcissists even have what we call ‘cognitive empathy’ – they understand at an intellectual level how others feel and use this to manipulate them. See if they want to talk or listen. If they are all about picking mistakes and making them embarrassed, then that’s a sign of narcissism. They will make you feel special. At the start, they will come across incredibly charming with their charismatic personality.

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Image courtesy of "Slate Magazine"

Narcissists Are Absolutely Everywhere—According to TikTok (Slate Magazine)

You can be more than a viewer on NarcTok. The scene is home to a cottage industry of self-styled experts claiming to offer victims of narcissistic abuse ...

“The person is probably having anxiety, panic attacks, depression, and there’ll be their defense mechanisms, which are the normal defense mechanisms of when you’re under threat.” She works to understand whether a person’s family of origin contributed to why they related with the abuse. But I also see a cycle of confirmation bias: people learning about symptoms and then going out into the world and identifying “narcissists”—and then validating others who do the same—which ultimately obscures the truth: Sometimes people aren’t narcissists. Coaching is really developing a plan of action to get you, first of all, away from the abuser and into a space of rebuilding your life.” Harries, the psychotherapist and trauma specialist (who is not part of NarcTok), treats both victims of narcissism and narcissists themselves. “There’s a misconception by other creators who say narc abuse coaches are exploiting victims of abuse to make money,” says Robles. NarcTokers often explain that gaslighting is one of the key traits of a narcissist. [74 percent of all coaching practitioners](https://coachingfederation.org/app/uploads/2020/09/FINAL_ICF_GCS2020_ExecutiveSummary.pdf) reported that they had a credential or certification from a professional coaching organization in 2019. [one video](https://www.tiktok.com/@bevtalks/video/7098387058237967621?is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7098387058237967621) titled “5 Signs You Have a Narcissist Co-Worker,” a mental health “coach” looks directly into the camera and claims that the following are clues that your colleague is a narcissist: being lazy, taking credit for your work, demanding attention, loving gossip—and being well-liked, in spite of these tendencies. Victims of narcissistic abuse offer [educational-style videos](https://www.tiktok.com/@narcabusecoach) like “How to Spot a Narcissist.” A coach shares “ [5 Ways to Mess With a Narcissist’s Head](https://www.tiktok.com/@bevtalks/video/7132886174733044998?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&item_id=7132886174733044998&q=narcissism%20coach&t=1665478552244),” and a neuroscientist offers narcissist protection [hacks](https://twitter.com/hassaantohid/status/1585438313007104000). Further, a TikTok video can tell you a few traits that may or may not be a sign of NPD, but it can’t allow you to know what’s motivating the behavior. Symptoms of actual NPD include “the unending, unrelenting motivation to enhance oneself and feel superior, and an inability to regulate one’s emotions, or one’s behavior if the world doesn’t cooperate with that need to be the superior,” says Aaron Pincus, a professor of psychology at the Pennsylvania State University who studies narcissism. As for the difference between someone with NPD and someone who is simply kind of selfish, intention is key, says Pincus.

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